Knowing when and how to accept help.

Life is tiring. Add some kids and the days and nights become…well, exhausting. I have wonderful children who HATE sleep. Last night was a particularly difficult night with a teething baby who needed to be held and cuddled all night. While speaking with my walking buddy this morning, I told her I how much I needed a coffee after last night. She offered to make me one to which I agreed. She said she would bring it to me in a to-go mug. 

Then I said, “Oh that’s ok I have a to-go mug, I can bring it and we can put the coffee in there.” There was an awkward pause. Then I said, “Actually I’ll just use your mug because even if I bring my own, how will you transport the coffee to me? In your pocket?” This question was followed by cackles of laughter. We both agreed that I must really be needing that coffee!

Too often, I don’t allow people to help me out of the goodness of their heart. My friend offered to make me a coffee and somehow, I couldn’t just say thank you. Why didn’t I ACCEPT her offer as is? After all, she is my friend, she wanted to assist me in getting through my day, and I needed the coffee.  

Too often we attach all these thoughts and ideas to simple notions of giving. Take a second and think about the last time someone offered you something. Did you accept it whole-heartedly? Or was there a caveat or some kind of hitch? Are we keeping a mental tally, a sort of “tit for tat”? What prevents us from simply saying, thank you?

Underneath it all, if we struggle with our worth (which I sometimes do), we feel that we don’t deserve it. My mind might wonder, “if I accept help, what does that mean about me? That I can’t do it myself?” It is interesting how an offer for coffee can have so much bubbling under the surface. The fact is I deserve to be treated to a nice cup of coffee. You deserve to be treated. We all deserve to be treated. In accepting another person’s desire to help, you are also giving them an opportunity to do a good deed. In accepting an offer, you honour them.  

That coffee today was delicious and I needed it. To put the icing on the cake, my friend used a wonder woman coffee percolator. If anyone deserved wonder woman coffee it was me. It IS me. Today and every day. 

The next time someone offers you an act of kindness, say thank you KNOWING that you deserve it. Because you do. We all do.  

For me, I don’t like the idea of ‘owing’ someone. But if it is a treat, I don’t owe anyone anything.